Welcome to Formula Two Point Oh.
It’s a new sport with too much overtaking, drama and incident. Where commentators, rather than gently lulling you into a Sunday afternoon snooze, get very excited, shout a lot and completely lose track of what’s going on.
Brilliant isn’t it? This one gets a ‘wow’ from us again. Great racing throughout the field, passing a-plenty, inter-team squabbling, moments of colossal stupidity (clutch in, apply brake Felipe), Mark Webba dropping the f-bomb on camera, magic paddles, three-abreastness, you name it.
What’s going to happen when it eventually rains for pity’s sake?
Of course there are flies in this particular ointment, chief amongst them is one Sebastian Vettel. What’s wrong with the boy? Why doesn’t he get with the programme? It’s not about getting a dominant pole in the fastest car and then fucking off into the far distance any more Seb! It’s about scrapping with other people in DRS zones, going wheel-to-wheel around whole sequences of corners, giving your team panic attacks by fighting on track with your teammate and ENTERTAINING PEOPLE. Just ask Lewis “what about P3?” Hamilton, Alonso, Button, Felipebaby, your team mate, Kamikaze and, oh, everybody else (that isn’t driving for Virgin or Hispania).
You’re missing out pal. You might as well take the DRS button off your steering wheel for the race for all the good it’s doing you. Do yourself a favour and screw up qualifying in Barcelona so you start mid-grid. Let’s see what you’re made of.
There are other issues too, perhaps the most troubling is the continuing decline in Jenson Button’s eyesight. After last race, when he couldn’t see his own pitcrew, we were sure the correct remedial measures had been taken. However it seems that this action wasn’t enough as, interviewed on the grid before the race, he admitted to liking Eddie Jordan’s shirt. The poor lad has clearly developed a degenerative eye disorder, a fact borne out by his pitboard during the race…
There are questions to be answered going forward:
Will Eddie “he has found new legs” Jordan say something comprehensible?
Will Coulthard remember how to pronounce Ickle Nick’s surname correctly for more than ten minutes at a time?
Will Heidfeld (see David, not so difficult) and Petrov come to blows off the track as well as on it? Our money’s on Vitaly if it does.
Is DRS making it too easy? Maybe, but we’ll take it for now – if it works in Barcelona we might have a Spanish Grand Prix worth watching for a change.
What will the Sneaky Tricks Department at Ferrari try next in order to code their messages to Fernando? Now that they’ve realised certain engineers elsewhere in the pitlane understand Italian they might have to try something a little more devious next time out…
See how it all shakes out in the Dumb Scores.
